There are days when I get down from a danfo (the yellow mini-vans are called danfo’s in lagos) and I am laughing at another’s expense, other times I am boiling or trying to cool down after getting a ‘dose’ of insults thrown at me.
The danfo’s are a mini-stage and their drivers and conductors and passengers are the actors for a short drive. 30mins or less or more depending on where you are coming from and where you are going and of course whether there is traffic hold -up or not.
Getting into a danfo is a very humbling experience. It does not matter who you think you are, once u are in it, then abide by the rules (unwritten and otherwise) of the people (driver and condo) who you have entrusted your life to.
CONDUCTORS- (Condo)
Shouts of ‘Do you know who I am?’ are jeered at and as any condo is apt to reply, if you had a good car, why did you bother to come into my danfo?
From the frustrating condo’s who deliberately refuse to return correct change and who make u keep shouting (if you are smart) for your change to the sometimes entertaining ones who make you laugh describing people and talking about all sorts of things. The very uncouth who look like real area boys (very few don’t) and who are quick to abuse and insult you over nothing. At such times I am quick to remind myself that we are world’s apart, and what might have seemed innocent to me was actually what he was brought up on as a great insult.
Short, tall, dark, fair, tattoeed, almost nude, some look the part and some don’t (I believe its very lucrative to be a condo, so a few men hop on a bus for a few days) Its easy to spot those who’ve just landed in Lagos (JJC’s) with their local accents still in place and their inability to pronounce places like ‘obalende’ like a typical lagosian!
One day by the time I came down from the danfo, I had forgotten about the stress of the day. I laughed myself silly. One last quip of this conductor was ‘If any of us gets to Obalende at 8am. sharp the next day, we would get a free ride to Falomo because it was his birthday the next day.
When I first came back from Sokoto where I spent one whole year on youth service teaching in one remote village where walking was the order of the day. I landed in Lagos and was convinced that there’s only 1 place called Lagos especially after being abused more than once by condo’s. I had become slow-paced and Un-Sharp (what would you expect after a year in a village?) Life outside Lagos is termed SLOW by typical Lagos people.
The drivers are a very special breed. Reckless men who obviously seem to make peace with God every morning before starting out. The new trend is the use of the express way for discharging and picking up passengers. The service lane is no more. On several occasions, my heart is in my mouth as large trucks and trailers speed past only 5 inches or so away from the danfo’s whose drivers seem to think the expressway is their park. Shouting at them only gives way to a round of abuses from them. Its annoying and TERRIFYING but this is Lagos!
The drivers who seem to see everything happening around them except in front of them are ‘plentiful’ (permit my construction) and getting down from a bus many times than not is often a relief. Many turn the roads to race tracks trying to beat their ‘rivals’ to a bus stop to pick up passengers.
As much as I’d like to say sane drivers exist, I can only remember once when the driver was sane, respectful, orderly and obeyed all traffic rules. And he was SLOW. By the time we got down everybody had murmured and grumbled and was on edge. Simple! He was a careful driver but He was too slow. In my estimation, He was the owner of the bus. He did not go over kerbs or race down the express in search of passengers but took every service lane. The lagos blood in all the passengers showed up at the end. We could not stand his pace. In another society it would have been ok, in Nearby Ibadan YES!, but not Lagos!
(Imagine Lagos with courteous, well-dressed condo’s, who smiled at you and spoke politely and said “Have a nice day! Madam or Sir” as you left) Who says its not possible?
Watch out for Danfo’s Part II
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